Student+3+Assignment+1

Comments:

Hi Student 3 - I'm very impressed with your poem. It sounds like you have gone through some really hard, adult things. Remember that we're writing on the internet, though, and everyone can see it. I've highlighted a few lines you might want to consider either revising or taking out. I also have highlighted some words that may be inappropriate for the classroom, even if they express how you feel. If you need any help, let me know. --Teacher

Student 3 - Um... I don't really know what to say. Are you sure that you are comfortable with putting this up for the class to read? Are 7th graders even allowed to get married??? I read the teacher's comment, and I agree. You should think about revising this. ---Student2

Student 3 - I agree with the teacher and student 3. You should really think about another way to write this, so that it is more appropriate for the class. Maybe you should think about writing another poem instead? It seems like you really like this one, and you may not want to edit it, but it probably shouldn't be something the class reads. ---Student1

Student 3 - This is a very good poem. I like that you implied things here instead of stating them in language that might not be appropriate for the classroom. I am, however, disappointed with your comments to your classmates and the time frame in which you completed the work. I clearly stated when comments and second drafts were due, and you were late with both. I'd like to talk with you soon about any issues you might be having. ---Teacher

Hi guys. I read your comments, and I realized you were right. I wrote a new poem that I hope will be more appropriate. Thanks! It even has a title!


 * Domesticity **

Stubby blue carpet prickles As she watches him Arch his toes To drag them against The back of his calf.

Hand in hers, Their fingers nestle Together without thought Or feeling, her skin numb To a touch she had once Hurried through days In order to feel.

He says “I have a grant to do research in Boston And I’d like if you’d join me As soon as my wife leaves.”

She glances at his Still scratching toes, Turns her face towards his And nods, equality Of height enabled by Their side-by-side seats On his office floor.

She thinks of how hard It will be to get the time off, To make excuses And buy plane tickets In order to spend a week In another small room While he thumbs through books And makes the same tired gestures.